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Licking A Bum's Ass

Submitted by bart at 2002-05-14 01:55:04 EDT
Rating: 1.0 on 194 ratings (196 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

Most of you may have heard the phrase "Jump The Shark" in reference to the specific episode of a TV show which indicates the downfall of a series. I'm not going to go into detail on that here, so if you're interested, see http://jumptheshark.com/ . This pointless moronic catch phrase was coined in reference to a ridiculous episode of Happy Days. This got me to thinking - why can't I, bart, create my own pointless moronic catch phrase? After thinking long and hard, I've found a phrase that will surely withstand the generations:

"Licking A Bum's Ass"

The origin of the phrase is a true story...

The other day, I was riding the "L" to work in the morning. For those outside of Chicago, the "L" is the elevated train / subway that travels throughout the city and carries a wide range of people and communicable diseases. The trains occasionally jump off the track, or have pieces of buildings falling and landing on the rails. A few weeks ago, part of one of the tracks broke off and smashed through the windshield of a taxi around the same time that a container of cyanide was found in one of the tunnels.

Anyway, I had purchased a tasty cup of coffee from Bittersweet, a coffee shop right down the street from my apartment and on my way to the "L" stop. The cup was a typical to-go coffee cup with a plastic lid through which one can sip the piping hot beverage without spilling. As convenient as the paper cups may be, they have an unfortunate tendency to leak right under the lid by the seam of the cup.

After I had boarded the "L" train, I was sitting and drinking the coffee when I noticed a small amount had spilled on my finger. For some reason, I decided to wipe the coffee on the seat next to me. Ordinarily I would have used a napkin, but the only one I had was in my back pocket and I was sitting on that at the moment.

A few minutes later, I noticed that some coffee had spilled on that same finger. Since I felt bad about wiping coffee on the seat, I instinctively licked the coffee off my finger. This was the same finger that I had wiped on the seat. As soon as I licked my finger, I froze in terror, thinking about the sorts of filth, disease, and bodily fluids I had just transferred into my mouth.

Sometimes people who go shopping set their bags down on the sidewalk temporarily, then carry them onto the train and set them on the seat. I had just licked the city sidewalk. Sometimes drunks on their way to/from a Cubs game vomit on themselves and sit down in a seat. I had just licked a drunk's vomit. Sometimes bums with nothing better to do will get on the train and sit on their asses for hours at a time. I had just licked a bum's ass.

And so goes the origin of the phrase. I would like the phrase to take on meaning similar to "faux pas" or "sticking one's foot in one's mouth", except with a slight twist. Specifically, "licking a bum's ass" does not have to happen in a social atmosphere - you can do it with no involvement from anyone else. In addition, "licking a bum's ass" has a much stronger connotation than either of the other phrases because it invokes images of personal terror in the audience's mind.

Sample usage: imagine that you went out drinking heavily one night, came home, and went to sleep. The next day, you check your "Sent Email" folder and find that you sent ten emails between the hours of 3am and 5am: five of them sent to your ex-girlfriend, four sent to co-workers, and one sent to a local massage parlor inquiring if they "offer any additional services". When you were describing these happenings to a friend later, you would say, "Well, I really licked a bum's ass last night..." and then you would describe your actions in great detail.

As responses to this message, I would like to see:
* Tales of times when you or someone you know has licked a bum's ass
* Examples of other situations where one could apply the phrase "lick a bum's ass"
* Addresses of other web pages which begin using the phrase "lick a bum's ass"

We all lick a bum's ass once in a while... it was only a matter of time before someone gave it a name.

Thanks, and happy licking!


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Submitted by messmind at 2017-09-10 20:07:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-06-25 13:05:10 EDT (#)

After struggling to pull the solar pump out of the well just now, and while covered with old stink water and greasy slime, I wiped my hand across my forehead, eyes and mouth.
Most def should have used a rag, had no rag.
Pukeage


OMG :)

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-06-25 13:05:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-06-25 13:05:10 EDT (#)

After struggling to pull the solar pump out of the well just now, and while covered with old stink water and greasy slime, I wiped my hand across my forehead, eyes and mouth.
Most def should have used a rag, had no rag.
Pukeage

Submitted by apollo88 at 2017-06-24 10:03:01 EDT (#)

good times

Submitted by bart at 2017-06-23 19:00:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by johnny.b.dumb at 2009-04-06 00:36:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

100% of mine do :P



Submitted by mordor666 (user info) at 2008-01-25 23:51:44 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

90% of computer keyboards have traces of semen on them.

Submitted by rubbermaid at 2009-03-09 10:29:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Glad that this really caught on.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2009-02-19 22:32:07 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Never use those hot air hand dryers in public restrooms.
Each time someone flushes the toilet, a fine bacteria laden mist is produced.
Most of us {I hope} are diligent hand washers and then we go to that clean looking hot air hand dryer and smugly dry our hands thinking that we are cleaner than that nasty stinker in the next stall who left without washing.
Think again.
When you push that button to start drying your hands, the machine sucks up bathroom air that contains the bacteria mist from all the flushes of the day. Heats it up nice and warm and deposits the crap on your hands.
EVERYBODYS CRAP.
Seriously.
You have been warned.

Submitted by Fungah at 2009-01-16 10:52:12 EST (#)
Rating: 2

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Submitted by Nietzsche at 2008-09-23 03:43:21 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

oh yeah

Submitted by Quint at 2008-07-25 15:02:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Method's Mom once licked a bum's ass. And when she was done tossing his salad, she let him fuck her. True story.

Submitted by mordor666 at 2008-01-25 23:51:44 EST (#)
Rating: -2

90% of computer keyboards have traces of semen on them.

Submitted by Convos at 2007-12-29 18:11:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

BRILLIANT! I will use that phrase. a couple other ones i have picked up recently... Shitting in tall cotton, and, ya smell what i'm steppin in?

shoot me.

Submitted by monkeyswithguns at 2007-11-30 22:56:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by dronebee at 2007-10-08 11:47:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-06 13:28:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

haha doucheoftheseas.

Thanks for explaining yourself. It was really bothering me.

Submitted by scourge at 2007-09-06 13:01:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

rider of my nuts below.

think whatever you want, you pathetic loser. there was not much good on the front page, so i went reading the mvm list. go look at my user info and you'll see how much of bart's ass i kiss.

















why i'm explaining myself to some faceless moron on uber is beyond me.

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-09-06 12:37:45 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Licker of Bart's ass below.

Submitted by scourge at 2007-09-06 12:22:48 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I read this ages ago and never rated it.

Submitted by Zeglamancer at 2007-08-01 02:32:55 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


Submitted by rob_berg at 2007-07-26 16:40:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Dean_Macier (user info) at 2007-07-26 16:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2

Dean Macier is a Weasel fink DICK FAG

---

Great entry.

Submitted by Dean_Macier at 2007-07-26 16:26:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Dean Macier is a Weasel fink DICK FAG

Submitted by TheUniter at 2007-04-25 22:02:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 1


Submitted by diavola at 2007-03-26 00:40:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by damunzy at 2007-03-07 19:46:55 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Nice but I doubt I'll be using it around my Mom. :)

Submitted by dexpaxas at 2006-12-29 15:46:55 EST (#)
Rating: -1

I'm sorry, it just doesn't roll off the tongue that well. Especially mine. It's long and wide like a basset hound's.

Submitted by Maltese at 2006-12-15 16:04:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

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Submitted by Newty at 2006-11-03 16:50:50 EST (#)
Rating: 2

y is this only 1.1? its fuckin hilarious

Submitted by 8track at 2006-10-13 03:11:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Not gonna plus 2 just because of the author.

Submitted by smemma at 2006-10-03 20:53:41 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I will be using this expression at least once weekly.

Submitted by Gargamel at 2006-08-12 00:35:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2. Excellent expression--I plan on using it. I like collecting colorful expressions like, "Well, fuck a duck!" And who can forget: "Yeah, and if a frog had wings it wouldn't bruise its ass when it jumped!" I now have one more colorful expression to add to the pile.

Submitted by Doodies at 2006-06-02 04:05:10 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Stupid shit here.

Submitted by Bundaberg at 2006-05-28 09:16:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

hahahahaha

Submitted by orooma at 2006-05-10 23:13:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Hey, You did lick my dick too,cuz "...a coffee shop right down the street from my apartment and on my way to the "L" stop..." is where I pissed the other day. How are you today, HONEY.

Submitted by Axolotl at 2006-04-27 12:31:23 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by LSD420 at 2006-04-22 14:04:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I never really enjoyed this one much, but you get a +2 for being bart.

Submitted by Fungah at 2006-03-22 13:38:16 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Bow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.



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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.



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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfijBow down before me, your new lord and ruler, and serenade me with a beautiful flowing chorus of insults and -2's.



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dvsfahbtrd'lkgbvewsam0ofiimfdohmgods
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09vnjgi4opwjkmev9fomrfe jngiuoimgrimiofkm0iowremoifj8f irounrfhpn 98h e9pfhw7p9frfe
fniu34` 8 fh97f8h987jn5iuhf bruyhg089hwuei ojg8vwsnoijvhtis lj8g90h4nwerwjh8g97iewausjhgr7tuinhwjtg08higt
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fgrv8gunjltbgruijnokgthb yfioygfij

Submitted by Doberish at 2006-02-20 23:03:12 EST (#)
Rating: -2


Submitted by Ditka at 2006-01-07 18:20:22 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by boy at 2005-12-04 03:15:46 EST (#)
Rating: 0

not funny. but nice try.

Submitted by Walker at 2005-11-24 19:42:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I'm all for it! Will see if I can get it going in Spanish =) "Lamerle el culo a un vagabundo"

Submitted by MrHappyPants at 2005-11-09 14:03:37 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Wisher at 2005-11-04 06:38:32 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I wish it wasn't so gross an image, but funny. At least if it catches on now you have proof that you made it up.

Submitted by KillerCowz at 2005-10-26 16:19:47 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I am now dumber for reading your post.

Submitted by ElmerFudd at 2005-10-25 00:19:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

umm the time that I pulled my finger out of my mate's bum then jammed it down my throat to make myself throw-up...

Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals at 2005-10-19 23:33:12 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

B@W

Submitted by Snuffleupagus at 2005-10-19 23:16:16 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

What's so wrong with licking a bum's ass?

Submitted by penisvonmunchousen at 2005-10-14 14:36:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

YOU ARE ALL GAY!

Submitted by Mariposa at 2005-09-20 16:53:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hahaha......you fuckin rule man. Kudos.

Submitted by sideshow at 2005-09-07 15:08:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

fuck em if they can't take a joke.

Submitted by sg11588 at 2005-08-18 23:24:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

OHHHH MMYYY GOOODDDDD

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2002-06-29 16:25:10 (#)
Ranking: 2

I agree. Whatever fucking foreigner wrote this gay retarded article sure is stupid. Deport his dumb ass back to the poopieland from whence he came.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I HAVEN'T HEARD, OR SAID "POOPIELAND" IN THE FUCKING LONGEST TIME. THANK YOU OH GREAT ONE FOR REMINDING ME OF THIS COMPLETELY AWESOME PHRASE.

Submitted by Kindred at 2005-08-03 02:19:17 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've still yet to hear anyone use it

except here

http://www.ubersite.com/m/72348

...


Submitted by Gendo at 2005-07-28 16:03:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

[garbage deleted by bart]

Submitted by Axolotl at 2005-07-26 00:16:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Viciousriffs at 2005-07-04 00:27:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This, good sir, is for your pop song playing ability. You and your Zeppelin rock on, champ.

You are a tribute too all weiner-package-holding men everywhere. Good luck with the summer sausage.

Submitted by rad1101 at 2005-06-05 06:22:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Duke_Diggler at 2005-05-05 01:10:19 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Bart Bart licked a bum's ass and didn't like the taste, much to his surprise, so now he defames all bum-kind by attaching a negative stigma to their assholes. Not cool.

Submitted by Omaha at 2005-04-26 15:27:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I visited Chicago a few months ago...I rode the elevated subway and I am just glade I never got the chance to sit down...

Submitted by e_mpika at 2005-04-26 06:14:30 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

what if the bum was Britney Spears? Ok poor example, insert any hot chick or guy if you are a fag, and suddenly licking a bums ass becomes less disgusting. It may even become a bit attractive. I think I may write something to that effect when I write my first site posting, which I will do when I'm done tweaking and can ignore the spiders in my coffee.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

if britney spears was a bum, i wouldnt lick her arse. being a bum surly means that you are a skanky street living peice of filth. so that would entail that britney spears probly wouldnt have washed said arse for fuck knows how long. she would probly have klingons n shit all caught in her pubes and it would smell real bad..
So no, i dont think wat your saying quite works really matey.
Licking any bums arse is gonna be distgusting, whether its britney spears or not, they are still a bum... hey, would you really lick eddie murphys arse if he really was like he is in trading places (when hes pretending he has no legs n shit.. not when hes all scrubbed up and rich!)

Submitted by cookbeagle at 2005-04-10 01:03:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

what if the bum was Britney Spears? Ok poor example, insert any hot chick or guy if you are a fag, and suddenly licking a bums ass becomes less disgusting. It may even become a bit attractive. I think I may write something to that effect when I write my first site posting, which I will do when I'm done tweaking and can ignore the spiders in my coffee.

Submitted by canadia at 2005-04-08 23:05:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

damn... and people wonder why I'm always sick! The "L" is worst than a hospital...and I work in one. BUT seeing people jerk off late at night is always a plus.. it makes my day!

Submitted by williamson at 2005-03-30 08:17:46 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Only 134 reviews damnit.

If i had gotten posts in this early I could have gotten a mvp.

Submitted by wardy at 2005-02-28 01:17:04 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by urbaneruralite at 2005-02-27 21:50:42 EST (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by ScottMaximus at 2005-02-12 21:56:54 EST (#)
Rating: 2

2 for chicago references. The L is a staple or filth and diguesting greatness. The place where thousands of naive evanston teenagers have sat and rode to get into "the city". stupid suburbanites make me laugh.

Submitted by CaptainThorns at 2005-01-19 08:19:13 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I remember taking the L to Cubs games with my grandpa as a kid. The whole frickin train is one huge disease. How could I *not* give this a +2?!

Submitted by mazman23 at 2005-01-17 11:36:44 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This expalins licking a bums ass in more detail.....

This should clear things up

http://www.ubersite.com/m/56905

Submitted by Maverick_ at 2005-01-07 16:19:05 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I have used the saying, I tend to lick a bums arse allot. I always say things at the wrong time. If there was an award for bum-arse-licking, I would probably win it :-).

Great post! :-P

Submitted by DamianD at 2005-01-07 16:08:47 EST (#)
Rating: 2

One of if not The Best laugh i have had at work, i am trying to use the phrase but it is proving abit difficult considering i dont know any uber users and they do not understand the reference

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2005-01-06 09:40:14 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Well... I liked it.

Submitted by killerchimp at 2004-12-18 03:19:22 EST (#)
Rating: 1

That post did most certainly not lick any sort of bums asses

Submitted by DonovanMD at 2004-12-16 23:20:24 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by InkyFingers at 2004-12-02 12:54:50 EST (#)
Rating: -2

This was VERY lame! Licking a Bum's Ass, come on... were you trying?

Submitted by EagleHawk at 2004-11-17 21:43:41 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Crap, I forgot to rate it.

Submitted by EagleHawk at 2004-11-17 21:43:20 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Sometimes drunks on their way to/from a Cubs game vomit on themselves and sit down in a seat.

+2 for posting about the Cubs, even in a miniscule way such as this. The Cubs will thrive in 2005!


I hope.

Submitted by Scarlett13 at 2004-11-05 05:41:50 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Your point being?

Submitted by Pringles4eva at 2004-10-25 02:42:02 EDT (#)
Rating: -2


Submitted by pokeysrevenge at 2004-10-22 19:25:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I used this the other day, actually. This kid spilled his drink and i said "man, that licks the bum's ass". Much laughter ensued.

Submitted by Thereisnogod at 2004-10-20 10:13:06 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

This is the gayest crap I've ever read. Why would anyone post shit like this? Oh, right, you're american.

Submitted by Genko at 2004-10-15 20:44:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

The link in the review below this one is NSFW.

Submitted by original_cola at 2004-10-15 20:38:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

link whore and a +2

http://www.aolsux.us

Submitted by retroscendence at 2004-10-08 13:09:24 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

That's just not funny. A boring story that got dragged out for far too long, and a shit phrase that doesn't really fit with any other situation. Just having something bad happening and saying that this phrase applies is lame. Also I hate it when people try to coin phrases by force (eg Colin and fucking Edith 'sucking deisel' on Radio 1 - they suck dick not diesel).

Nice to know what the 'L' is though. Is that what the Fun Lovin' Criminals song, Bomin' The L is on about?

Submitted by Bad_Boy at 2004-10-07 09:01:33 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You are a pansy ass little office bitch. I'm sure many other people would love to read your wonderful lifeless adventure, but as for people with a life and real stories to tell, they would rate your story a DONT EVEN BOTHER.

Submitted by kaizoku at 2004-10-07 05:40:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I'm adding that one to my vocab too...

posh... shutup.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-30 08:37:57 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

why are you such a gay twat!!???
i think that you need to get a life you little cunt or at least do us all a favour and end it for us!
this way we wont be subjected to your made up stories-the only reason you knobs post your stories on this site is bcos u want to be popular in 'cyberworld' bcos it never has, and never will, happen in the "normal outside" world.

fuck off u little twat before i hunt u down and make u watch me fuck ur mum while ur dad bums u-n then il finish u all off.

Peace.

Submitted by garrett_h_5 at 2004-09-27 23:54:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Julia at 2004-09-24 19:52:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I'm adding this to my vocabulary.

Colon, close parenthesis.

Submitted by apollo88 at 2004-09-23 10:08:01 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-20 17:28:05 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

It's just not creative...or appealing.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-09-16 21:42:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

If you think thats dirty, try the rubber rails that you hold onto in shopping centres.

Dirtier than toilet seats. By far.


Submitted by slap_happy at 2004-09-10 00:13:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

this was fucking kickass

Submitted by DanielH at 2004-09-08 22:34:37 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

You write SO much like my favorite writer Henry Miller, particularly in his rosy crucifiction trilogy, thay I have to give a worth reading. -d http://www.ubersite.com/m/44287

Submitted by webbfoot420 at 2004-09-05 01:23:26 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

DAMN WHAT A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS

Submitted by The_Walrus at 2004-08-29 10:41:02 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

holy shit, it had been 3 days since someone rated this, and then while I was writing my "101st" post, someone else posted.

Damn that's a nice coincidence. And so I will have to take my 102nd.

Submitted by The_Walrus at 2004-08-29 10:39:42 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Maybe the pirate gets the 100th, but the walrus gets the 101st

Submitted by mr.awesome at 2004-08-29 10:38:49 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Good.

Submitted by SullyThePirate at 2004-08-26 22:57:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

100th reply. IN YOUR FACE.

Yeah you.

Submitted by U-232 at 2004-08-21 21:40:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

made me laugh

Submitted by Degreeless_Capibara at 2004-08-18 17:49:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by Rotodizer at 2004-08-17 01:29:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Interesting idea

Submitted by stu_the_goon at 2004-08-12 20:27:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Finally I have a phrase to describe pretty much my entire life! Thanks!

Submitted by bigp0ppa at 2004-08-11 19:28:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i use this phrase all the time now, and it does NOT lick a bums ass!!!

Submitted by Man O' War at 2004-08-04 17:16:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-08-01 16:29:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/default.aspx?referer=7584498
Free flat screen monitor or TV! Just sign up for eBay on the requirements page, place a bid (doesn't even have to be a winning bid), and get 8 friends to do the same! Don't forget to verify your email on the 'My Account' page.

FREE SHIT WOO

Submitted by InbredUncle at 2004-07-29 20:11:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

You must be some kind of boo-zwah-zee germ aficionado.
I will give you a +2, but only out of spite.
Eat balls.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-07-28 17:57:44 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Not funny, not too original. I'll make sure never to use the phrase.

Submitted by A.Tyrael at 2004-07-27 18:09:29 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is one of your posts that deserved to be on BAW.

Submitted by ruffian_11 at 2004-07-26 19:08:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This post was fucking awesome, and that phrase is brilliant. Definately part of my vocab. I don't remember much of the events from last night, but I'm pretty sure I licked a bum's ass.

Submitted by winowarrior at 2004-07-26 18:16:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is great. I am going to add "lick a bum's ass" to my vocab. now. As soon as me ole thinker gets the urge, will try to send a bum ass licking tale in for ya. Cheers. Funny shit.

Submitted by PeanutButterJellyTime at 2004-07-12 23:48:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ha ha, thats funnie... wanna hear something else weird? I caught my cousin eating candlewax.. But i don't think thats as bad as licking a bum's ass...

Submitted by antluvdog at 2004-07-04 16:37:58 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Still one of my favorite posts of all time.

Submitted by dolfin at 2004-07-03 09:21:40 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Good phrase... nothing better than making the enlgish language even more confusing. Usually when someone does something dumb, my friends and I would say they "Pulled a (insert name of person who did something stupid previously)", but I think we could use this too.
For the idiots who accused you of being gay, because the phrase might literally mean male to male contact (Heaven forbid), they're classic closet cases. Hate themselves for what they are so they accuse other people of it.

Submitted by busy at 2004-06-30 00:50:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Oh man. This story totally rocks my socks any day.

Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish at 2004-06-27 13:43:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

+2 for being added to my mini-BAW

Submitted by Envenom at 2004-06-18 09:20:36 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I learned all about the "L" in The Fugative.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-06-18 09:08:18 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

well i've must have given tons of blow jobs. i was at the laundromat and i was trying to get change while holding my bag of clothes, well the bag was slipping, and i needed both of my hands to pick it up, so i did the unthinkable, there it went, abraham lincoln's head in to my mouth..........

Submitted by CleverName at 2004-06-11 18:01:55 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I've been checking out this page for a couple weeks, and this post has been staring me in the face
for a while, but I was afraid of it until now. Horrifyingly brilliant. I hope you're holding up ok after that train ride (shudder).
I'm incorporating 'licking a bum's ass' into my vocabulary effective immediately. I may go to school for meteorology so I can get on TV and say things like, "Warm air coming up from the gulf is going to collide with this high pressure system out of Canada, and will lick a bum's ass over Lake Michigan." et cetera. Or perhaps become a baseball announcer: "Called strike three on a wicked curveball! Prior really made Bonds lick a bum's ass on that one!"
You're a fucking genius.

Submitted by nestorm4 at 2004-05-26 17:43:06 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

i like the phrase but not the story

Submitted by Irazy at 2004-05-24 07:54:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Submitted by pokergirl33 at 2004-05-21 19:31:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

very funny. i am going to start using it. damn, i really licked a bum's ass today....

Submitted by mana_kirby at 2004-05-20 12:19:19 EDT (#)
Rating: -1

Submitted by euripidestrousers at 2004-05-17 22:08:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by DirtyKufar at 2004-05-15 07:13:12 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

You deserved it.

Submitted by Arla at 2004-05-12 01:36:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I honestly wondered what this could be about when I read the title. Homosexual popped into my mind. But after reading the script, its quite humorous.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-05-09 20:18:52 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

GO ahead and suck the bums dick, then lick his ass
and double back for his balls. YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER.

Submitted by scr1be at 2004-05-06 21:33:30 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

i really licked a bum's ass this one time when i pulled off his pants and gave him a rim job right there in the middle of the street. he hadn't wiped his ass in probably 3 months, causing dried chunks of shit buildup, which eventually fell into my mouth.

Submitted by cunthead at 2004-05-05 09:16:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

that call kicks a bums ass man and for making such a fine observation you deserve to have your ass licked.
nice call fuckface.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-30 03:58:06 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

damn that bum's ass is one sweet piece of ass
nice work faggot

Submitted by GassyGirl72 at 2004-04-26 12:42:59 EDT (#)
Rating: 2



The post is good, but the thread that follows is what makes it sooo funny.

"Jimmy's ex wife is a ....... Cracks me the fuck up. I will start using that one.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-26 00:22:36 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

I like this "justanobody" character, he outwits everyone here. Even me I'm sorry to say. Kudos to you justanobody.

And to the guy that wrote "Lick a bum's ass", that was pure garbage, and the next time you feel like telling the world of your encounters with the ass of a homeless person, inject yourself with a syringe full of air. That'll be all.

Submitted by bluerampage2 at 2004-04-19 20:28:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Woo haha I love it!

Submitted by Hsibaf at 2004-04-19 00:24:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Reviews are much better when they are done a year after the post has been read. Sort of like wine becomes finer with time. My point is I should have rated this when I read it, but I didn't.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-12 22:18:45 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That was pure brilliance. My friend licked a bum's ass the other day when he decided to piss off a bridge into traffic but his mother decided to drive by. He pissed all over his mom's car. He licked a bum's ass.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-04-08 07:35:41 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Hmm.
This is the first time I have ever seen this site.
What a load of rotting sprout-water.
You people make me feel physically sick with your words.
Such a crime indeed, that you can induce in me the urge to emit faecal matter, vomit, cry tears of blood and ejaculate in anger with your useless and vacant diction.

I have nothing constructive to add, at least in your opinion although, I would like to think -and wil leave smug in the knowledge- that I HAVE left something which IS constructive in its criticism of a faulty and disgusting web-site.

Please, feel offended by me.
I hate every one of you.


/ Oops! I almost forgot to comment on the original message..
You need help my friend but sadly, I doubt there is a man alive that can offer it, nor that it would do you any good.
Kill yourself. You are a Twat.

Submitted by mystiamoon at 2004-04-03 05:36:33 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Dead_0hi0_Sky at 2004-03-30 19:20:46 EST (#)
Rating: 2

instant classic man

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-03-27 23:22:30 EST (#)
Rating: 2

I like to find bums and fart on there jerk off hand! They get all pissy then I take the souls out of their shoes and they whine about it like sissy's! Then I fuck their moms in my jeep grande cherokee and make them buy me arby's and the bums all hungry! http://www.geocities.com/captain_foamy

Submitted by Man O' War at 2004-03-02 22:30:21 EST (#)
Rating: 2

This always makes me laugh.

Submitted by Falco at 2004-03-01 03:02:53 EST (#)
Rating: -2

Bart likes it in the ass

Submitted by flux_modulator at 2004-02-24 16:15:47 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Picture a typical sedate pizza parlor. I'm attending an employee going away lunch.
I've also entered the Bums Ass Licking Zone, almost as frightening as realizing you
didn't do your homework at seven in the morning or that thing when you lean your
chair to far back. Something that will hunt me for the rest of my unnatural life.

The unnamed pizza place had a huge window in the entrance allowing customers
could view (their fait and) the little elves making their tasty confections. In my case
it was an ominous strange sight. The two elfin waif females were having a smoke
break right in the kitchen. This being California, I'm sure they were violating some
rules.

The warning bells didn't go off. Getting to the point - I tucked into a slice of pizza
which had those tough chewy mushrooms. One mushroom was chewier then the
others. Finally I became suspicious and reach in with my clean hand and pulled
this well chewed unfamiliar object out. I felt as tho I had "Licked a Bum's Ass"!

It was a cigarette butt from one the work release teens who probably spites in the
non cigarette butt pizza. I don't even want to thing about the extra nose topping.
Fast food is fast but not always safe.

I give it a one, "Don't Be That Guy" was "Quiznos Commercial Funny" or QCF+2.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-02-22 14:07:25 EST (#)
Rating: 1


While reading this I began to feel uneasy about my index finger. It began to feel funny as if it had been some where I didn't know about. At that moment my dog enterd the room and began licking his index claw!!!! the hair on the back of my neck began to stand. At that moment I was thrust head long into a whiling vortex of utter and shear terror. If in fact it is true that we have all possibly licked a bumm's ass it is equally plausable we have all licked a dog'd balls.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2004-01-28 04:19:34 EST (#)
Rating: -2

thats the lamest shit i've read in weeks you paranoid analyst. Damn dont go agoraphobic on me. Shit man communicable diseases are everywhere theres no avoiding them while your in a public facility or area, I admit I like the phrase but im skeptical of its bizarre queer origin. Oh my god im sure you nearly had an anxiety attack when you realized your hand came into contact with that "public" seat You .. fucking.. weirdo. You won't catch me claiming I licked a bums ass any time in the near future and I wouldn't get your hopes up and expect a phase as classicly gay as licking a bums ass to make any kind of impact on society other the the occasional strange dumbfounded/digusted look.

-sueystyle

Submitted by buttholebacon at 2004-01-10 21:00:00 EST (#)
Rating: 2

;'klh
';flg'h;kr;okjg;ldkbpoktopgkl; ,
my dick is caught in my zipper

Submitted by Wickedriser at 2004-01-10 20:50:58 EST (#)
Rating: 2

CAN I GET ANY MORE RETARDED...
HTTP://WWW.ubersite.com/m/22494
you get a two plus because i had to do this three times.

Submitted by Wickedriser at 2004-01-10 20:49:48 EST (#)
Rating: 0

god dammit..

HTTP://ubersite.com/m/22494

Submitted by Wickedriser at 2004-01-10 20:49:00 EST (#)
Rating: 0

www.ubersite.com/m/22494

Submitted by Christ at 2003-12-29 21:09:41 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by A.Tyrael at 2003-12-19 17:02:05 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Michelle Trachtenberg was the girl from Harriet the Spy, not Amanda Bynes.

Submitted by MoneyG at 2003-12-18 02:14:26 EST (#)
Rating: 1

yeah, this is definatly the new useful catchphrase. i can't think of an example, mostly becuase that would have to include my autobiography. But if you start using this phrase, what would other people really think. i mean, it just sounds disgusting.

Submitted by KramericaLives at 2003-12-03 19:58:02 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Here's a way you can use the phrase "Licking a bum's ass." It happens to be a story of personal experience.

The story is a lot like the example that the inventor of "Lick the bum's ass" used in his description.

One day I was watching Seinfeld while pretty "herbally inebriated." When the commercials came on, there was one talking about some new sitcom with Amanda Bines (I think that's her name... she's the girl from "Harriet the Spy"). Anyways, as I'm watching, I realize that she's really hot. I thought to myself, "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if i e-mailed her and told her that she's hot?" So naturally, I e-mailed her.

After a few hours, I kind of "regained my composure," and thought about what I had done in the past few hours. When I remembered everything that I'd done, I thought a little bit harder about my e-mail. Once I thought about it for a minute, I came to the conclusion that I had really "Lick the bum's ass."

--ryan

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-25 11:53:39 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-11-07 09:56:47 EST (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by corquando at 2003-11-01 13:26:41 EST (#)
Rating: 1

Would an English derivant be "Licked an asses bum?"

Submitted by Lisa at 2003-11-01 03:30:38 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by GoblinVolunteer at 2003-10-24 14:02:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by tuesdaydelay at 2003-10-21 10:43:56 EDT (#)
Rating: 0


Submitted by LucidCognition at 2003-10-13 01:22:52 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Ah... Bittersweet. That is some damn good food, I've never had the coffe though. That just makes the Bums ass taste all the worse.

Submitted by shandythedog at 2003-10-11 02:07:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

the thought processes over how to deal with the coffee on finger crisis are well expressed. seinfeldian.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-10-08 23:56:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i know its been said, but to reiterate
"all hail bart"

Submitted by spirochete at 2003-09-29 16:55:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

bart kisses his mom- or bart kisses spiro's balls

Submitted by senseiofmattitudev1 at 2003-09-27 07:16:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Bart, you truly do rock. It is you, almighty Bart, that makes my Uber surfing all so enjoyable... Thank you again, and remember...

Be careful what you wish for, you could lick a bum's ass.

Nicely done.

Peace.

Submitted by Insanethemind at 2003-09-19 09:28:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Secession at 2003-09-19 09:16:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is excellent. I do think that Toucan's response deserves its own post though, that was brilliant.

Submitted by poop_monkey at 2003-09-19 01:02:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I love the details you go into. Not really.

But I did drop my lolly-pop on a crowded street once... D:

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-09-16 16:57:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

"the country from whence he came"

Bart, you prack! At least foreigners know English grammar whereas you don't!

it's "the country WHENCE he came".

whence means FROM where, not just where. Bitch.



Submitted by iddqd at 2003-09-14 23:46:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

26 thousand hits and only 30 reviews? incomprehensible.

this is only topped by 'youre a racist...'

barely.



Submitted by MindlessUrine999 at 2003-09-11 23:27:51 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I licked a bums ass today, it was awful. (I'll leave you to guess what the hell I'm talking about [Insert Joke Here].

Submitted by Razor at 2003-09-05 16:19:39 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I just realized I never reviewed this either. It's my favorite Uber post ever.

Submitted by bargled at 2003-08-28 22:56:04 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Guy 1: "Oh man, I got pulled over last night going 90 in a 65!"
Guy 2: "That licks a bums ass! Did you get busted?"
Guy 1: "Yeah, the asshole gave me a $95 ticket!"
Guy 2: "Jimmy's ex-wife is a lazy, money grubbing parasite."
Guy 1: "I suppose"

Submitted by Random Joe at 2003-08-06 14:37:08 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

that makes me think, what if this is more than just licking a bum's ass? i've never really thought about all of the occasions where i "lick a sidewalk" or "lick a bums ass".

for instance

you probably hear your friends talking about them getting too intimate (if you know what i mean) in movie theatres and decide to get freaky. so that may not have been sticky mr pibb on the ground when i take my seat and it's probably not dried popcorn butter i notice on my seat when the lights come on and get up to leave.

when i leave the public restroom, and grab the chrome handle, could i have just grabbed some sicko's wang because he likes to milk his peter during his lunch hour...?

these thoughts sicken me...

Submitted by carmex9 at 2003-07-15 14:05:11 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

but really why were you hitting your ass> was the gerbil biting you or what?

Submitted by xakarii at 2003-07-14 10:46:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Legi0ns is a moron, this is great!

Submitted by hockyman at 2003-07-09 22:59:05 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Some times you lick the bums ass, sometimes the bums ass licks you.

Submitted by streetpunk at 2003-07-03 17:58:20 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

This is the first uber article I read and I never reviewed it!!! Amazing, this is truly a classic.
Peace,
STREETPUNK

Submitted by funkthemonkey at 2003-06-25 23:14:57 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

i think another phrase is worthy of consideration. "crunching lefty" is a good way to show a screw up or accident:
1: man you sucked ass out there
2: yea, i really crunched lefty

also, belching this during a formal dinner party will get you some positive attention.
1: I do say, the weather of late has been quite sastisfactory. I do hope it shall continue to the morrow.
2: wHOa i just crunched lefty. anyone have a napkin?

thats all

Submitted by legi0ns at 2003-06-08 22:16:13 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

If licking the cofee from your finger is dirty, what is touching your face after touching any public object make any difference? There are germs every where, just only at a different degree, Why don't u start wearing gloves now then if your so paranoid about this idiotic shit?

Submitted by jwlmar10 at 2003-05-22 01:46:22 EDT (#)
Rating: 2


Submitted by antluvdog at 2003-05-14 14:27:19 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

"imagine that you went out drinking heavily one night, came home, and went to sleep. The next day, you check your "Sent Email" folder and find that you sent ten emails between the hours of 3am and 5am: five of them sent to your ex-girlfriend, four sent to co-workers, and one sent to a local massage parlor inquiring if they "offer any additional services". "

Something similar happened to me. I got a lot of nasty e-mails from strangers asking me to die. It was odd.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-12-23 22:32:10 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Finally a phrase that fits into almost everything I have to say! Ingenious!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-12-23 22:32:01 EST (#)
Rating: 0

Finally a phrase that fits into almost everything I always say! Ingenious!

Submitted by michele_0221 at 2002-11-13 23:04:34 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-11-10 03:24:20 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by PeopleAreStrange at 2002-10-27 09:26:56 EST (#)
Rating: 2

Fucking ROTFPML Toucan, a fine example of licking a bum's arse.

I can't think of an example for myself, probably because I do it all the time, I'm still learning the meaning of the word tact (is it something to do with a hammer and nails? :p)

PAS

Submitted by bart at 2002-10-21 03:27:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I too like the phrase "Jimmy's ex-wife is a lazy, money grubbing parasite". It could be used in the same manner as "things could be worse", but in a slightly more derogatory sense. The context of its use is important, and I see a sample usage in conversation going as follows:

Guy 1: "Oh man, I got pulled over last night going 90 in a 65!"
Guy 2: "That sucks! Did you get busted?"
Guy 1: "Yeah, the asshole gave me a $95 ticket!"
Guy 2: "Jimmy's ex-wife is a lazy, money grubbing parasite."
Guy 1: "I suppose"

I'll let you know as soon as I have a chance to work this into a normal conversation.

Submitted by DinoBraco at 2002-10-11 16:30:32 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Absolutely hysterical.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-10-11 14:02:07 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

I think this decade just found it's catch phrase!
But as long as we're at it I thought I might suggest a couple more:

1) "I made a Chachi"...use this one any way you like, preferably when you do a major f-up, or perhaps your kids can use this term during pottie training.

2) "Jimmy's ex-wife is a lazy, money grubbing parasite"...maybe I'm the only one that will use this one, nevermind.


Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-10-10 18:06:46 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Submitted by Chunk at 2002-09-27 10:54:34 EDT (#)
Rating: 0

Now I understand the Not So Swift comment.

Submitted by Jet62879 at 2002-08-22 15:20:24 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

I just wanted to point out....the first person who responded to this post is a retard. Our gov. here in Mass. is Jane SWIFT. Which is why the title of the email would be pretty funny...."Not so Swift", but instead he/she said it was Jane Smith. I think that person licked a bum's ass right then and there with that post.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-08-21 17:57:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-07-17 14:49:50 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

Ok, not five minutes ago, my co-worker definitly licked a bum's ass. We live in the state of Massachusetts, currently governed by Jane Smith. My co-worker deals in PR and somtimes has contact with the governer. Another co-worker had sent her an e-mail describing a recent blunder that Smith had made, and she jokingly replied back with the message titled "Not So Swift" Two seconds too late she realized she had gotten confused and mistakingly sent it to the governer's address. I still don't think her face is back to it's normal color yet.

Submitted by bart at 2002-06-29 16:25:10 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I agree. Whatever fucking foreigner wrote this gay retarded article sure is stupid. Deport his dumb ass back to the poopieland from whence he came.

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-06-29 13:37:15 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

you foreigners are fucking stupid. "licking a Bums Ass" is not some gay saying for a bad day, it means you technically licked a bums ass. JESUS CHRIST you people are dumb!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-05-15 17:26:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I think it will be easier to present examples of our own experiences and experiences that the catch-phrase will apply if we set forth the general rule.

You would end up licking a bum's ass when you are having a normal, average day, and something relatively consequential goes wrong. You then attempt to fix the issue, which leaves you in a much, much worse position.

An example: Some time back I went to the movies. I sat down in a seat which I was just not completely comfortable. I stood up, picked up my full, large soda, and walked to another seat. I sat myself down and caught my pocket on the side of the seat. Despite this trap, I continued to sit down which caused an enormous and loud rip in the my pants. The anger I felt then caused me to drop from a one foot height the full, large soda onto the slanted floor.

That bum's ass tasted pretty sour.

Submitted by toucan at 2002-05-14 11:22:53 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

At last we have a phrase for it. Your example of the sent items is close to happened to me.
After a night on the town i returned with a mate and partook in some bolivian marching powder, the combination of copious amounts of alcohol, copious amounts of weed and ernesto's finest had some ill affects on my brain and persuaded me that i should phone pretty much everyone in my phone book to persuade them that they should come round and party, unfortunately the one name that i couldn't remember who it was as it was only there first name was my Gran, imagine her surprise when her youngest grandson had a conversation like this with her:

hi gorgeous nice name
<hello who's this>
it's (my name) what are you up to
<I'm in bed it's 3:30 in the morning>
now what's a sexy chick like you doing in bed at home now when you could be having far more fun in my bed
<I think you must be drunk goodbye>

and then let pretty much my whole family know about it over the next few years.

I think i licked the bum's ass and then went back for more!

Submitted by Random Joe at 2002-05-14 03:17:44 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

That's fucking funny... I licked a bums ass about 2 years ago when after finishing having sex with my girlfriend I decided I would dispose of the condom carefully so that my parents wouldn't find it. I look in the bin and there staring back at me is an old rubber glove covered in oil... no ones going to be using that for a while I think. The condom which I have already filled with water with the original intention of disposing it in the toilet slips snugly into the rubber glove. Off I trek back up stairs. I come back own stairs half an hour later to find my brother rummaging through the bin "wh wh what are you doing???" says I "Oh just fishing out that rubber glove I threw away I need it again I'm working on my car". Before i can stop him he pulls it out onto the kitchen side and the condom plops out onto the side and being filled with water bounces neatly across the surface... my Brother obviously shocked screams "What the hell is that!!!". I didn't really know what else to say... "you're an educated man aren't you!"


Homer: Is this episode going on the air live?

June Bellamy:
No, Homer. Very few cartoons are broadcast live -- it's a
terrible strain on the animators' wrists.

Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show