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Airport Security

Submitted by Mahalagus at 2017-10-17 17:18:01 EDT
Rating: 2.0 on 1 rating (3 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I am in Medellin, and soon I will be flying, if I live that long, if I am not imprisoned first, to Quito. Last time I flew from Medellin the Nazis x-rayed my abdomen, certain that I had swallowed dozens of condoms stuffed with skag or somethin'. I dunno what te were loookin for, but it wasn't my appendix.

In Quito they got a better way to humiliate you. You gotta push the button. If the light comes up green then go ahead - pass on thru with your drugs in your pocket. But if it's red, then you must empty your suitcases completely on a tiny cocktail table, real quick. If they can't find Osama bin Laden in there, then they push you hard, asshole, to repack real quick again. Stuff gets busted.

In Florida I opted for the hand search. He rubbed his hands all over my back, punctuating the search with a karate chop to my nuts. Then, to my front, he rubbed his knuckles down the length of my dick, concluding again with a karate chop to my nuts. I gave him a dirty look, and he laughed in my face. LBJ would have picked him up by the ears; Sinatra would have killed him.

My worst experience was at Panama City Airport where I was taken to a private room and held at gunpoint while a queer knelt in front of me and caressed my ass as he looked up into my eyes. A lot more happened in there too - that was just a start. Read about it here https://www.tsanightmarestories.com/page/2 Scroll down to "I was sexually Worshiped at Gunpoint."

Yeah air travel is great! The food is pure chemicals. The stewardesses ( now "flight attendants" ) were lovely and friendly - in the seventies. Today's "flight attendants" could be top o' the list of anyone's skag collection.

If I ever must enter the goddamn United States, the origin of all these insults, believe me I'll leave my computer and everything else in a dumpster in South America. I need a new computer anyway. This one is prone to blasphemy.


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Submitted by Tyrone at 2017-11-02 00:44:41 EDT (#)

just drive dog, then you cansmoke weed n shit

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2017-10-22 16:41:43 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Fooking brilliant, so funny.

Submitted by Sacrilicious at 2017-10-17 18:43:04 EDT (#)

"My recently sucked dick" sounded so desperate I winced.


Oh, cruel fate. Why do you mock me?

-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil