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Is This Thing On?

Submitted by DaBeast at 2017-04-02 05:05:37 EDT
Rating: 1.8 on 5 ratings (6 reviews) (Review this item) (V)



I'm burning CDs for the car so I don't have to listen to the gawdsdamned radio. I'd forgotten how boring it is to burn CDs. Damnit. So, heya, howdy, and here I am. Looked like you were taking roll call earlier so, yeah...

Every day above ground is a good day. Who said that? Don't recall. Old guy came into the store the other day and I looked at him and just said that, out of the blue. He smiled, met my eyes, cackled, and told me that his grandpa used to say that, too. We shared a tired grin and he wandered away into the night. Never saw him before in my life. Doubt I'll ever see him again. But there, in the 3 A.M. quiet, there was a quiet understanding. I'll keep that memory for a while.

Sill breathing so it can't be all bad, right? Some people come through and I'll throw that at them like a challenge or a length of rope. The ones that bring that out of me are younger than I am and there's this desperation burning in their eyes, something scared and haunted... or hunted. It's difficult to distinguish. Every one of them will throw me a look over their shoulder and our eyes will meet and they acknowledge me for a second and then turn away. Sometimes, they ask for help. If I have it, I give it. I remember seeing those eyes in the mirror many times. There is no kindness that will ever eradicate it but some small ones can help ease the pain for a little while. Some of them come back but not as many as I'd prefer. I worry about the ones that haven't come by in a while. Sometimes, their mug shots appear in the local jail review magazine. Once, it was an obituary. You can't save anyone, really, can you? But you keep trying because you escaped it and it hurts to think of leaving anyone in that particular Hell if you could only throw out a hand and drag them from it.

The young hotties come in, clothing too tight, eyes too wild, tan and lean and pretty as the day is long. They make me grin. I remember being young and stupid, too. It was a fun time. Let them have at it but make sure you try to keep them safe. Be honest with 'em, put a funny spin on it, and don't let them get away with anything and, for whatever reason, they love it and they'll be some of my best repeat customers. Some of 'em flirt and they're just precious. Go on with ya, kid. I've had bowel movements bigger than you. I ain't got time to teach you exactly what your naughty bits are good for and, hell, are you even potty trained yet? I bet you still can't decide which side of the bed to wet. Quit trying to confuse and startle the old people.

I like to go outside around 2 A.M. and I sit on the pile of firewood by the front door and I spark a cigarette to life and listen to the night. The parking lot is empty except for my car and the gas pumps are bathed in the cold, blue florescents of the revolving billboard that sits in front of the store. There's a chicken hawk that hunts around that time and I hear him crying somewhere not that far away and it echoes against the brick building across the street and streaks through the air. Sometimes, there's crickets. Always, there are moths. Beetles, mosquitos, June bugs in the last three days. The store across a side street from mine blares bubblegum pop into the night. Sometimes, I'm ok with it if there's a decent song playing - last night it was Blondie's "One Way Or Another" so I was ok. Night before, it was some bubblegum abomination and I responded by bellowing "Let It Go" at the top of my lungs from my own lot. Fuck you people. Really.

The third shift is quiet, the customers are few and far between, and it's mainly just getting the store ready for the first shift. You stock, you clean, you make right what the other two shifts got wrong, and when a customer appears from the night, you give them a smile and ask about their day, and you listen to them. It's not difficult.

But it is rewarding.

Ok, CDs burned.

Hasta la pasta, bitches!



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Submitted by RoadSong at 2017-04-16 14:30:26 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

'Sometimes, they ask for help. If I have it, I give it. I remember seeing those eyes in the mirror many times. There is no kindness that will ever eradicate it but some small ones can help ease the pain for a little while. Some of them come back but not as many as I'd prefer. I worry about the ones that haven't come by in a while. Sometimes, their mug shots appear in the local jail review magazine. Once, it was an obituary. You can't save anyone, really, can you? But you keep trying because you escaped it and it hurts to think of leaving anyone in that particular Hell if you could only throw out a hand and drag them from it.'

Way to go geezer

Submitted by blackbear at 2017-04-05 00:41:14 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Go on with ya, kid. I've had bowel movements bigger than you. I ain't got time to teach you exactly what your naughty bits are good for and, hell, are you even potty trained yet? I bet you still can't decide which side of the bed to wet. Quit trying to confuse and startle the old people.

LMAO

Wow, good shit.

The future really is UBER... What a bold prediction Bart made a long time ago. Now we have Uber, the taxi app...did bart have something to do with that perhaps? Perhaps this website is made up entirely of people who know who i am in real life, but pretend not to, while sending cryptic hints now and then just to fuck with me?

A site like this can never really die. It really is a brilliant use of the internet, and bart knows this. He's not dumb enough to sell it, especially since it has the word Uber in the title... but if he is, i got a few hundred bucks i could spare...

Submitted by ArdAtak at 2017-04-04 13:21:06 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Submitted by DaBeast at 2017-04-03 19:59:45 EDT (#)


That's weird. It's like something out of that twilighty show about
that zone.

-- Homer Simpson
Treehouse of Horror VI

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2017-04-02 10:16:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

You do know that you can get a cheap receiver for your car that will both Bluetooth to your phone AND play digital formats as well, right? I don't mean that as condescendingly as it reads. It's just that I haven't burned an actual CD in years. Didn't know hillbillies could be so high tech, did ya? And stop setting fires to interstates, you pasty nonce! Not cool.

Wait... the devil works 3rd shift at a 7-11? Still, I suppose that's as good of a place as any to harvest souls.

Submitted by Darth_Famine at 2017-04-02 05:08:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

used to rock and roll all night and
party every day. Then it was every other day. Now I'm lucky if I can
find half an hour a week in which to get funky. I've got to get out of
this rut and back into the groove!

-- Homer Simpson
Homerpalooza


Homer: There couldn't be heaven if there weren't a hell.

Bart: Who's in there?

Homer: Oh, uh ... Hitler's dog. And that dog Nixon had, whassisname, um,
Chester ...

Lisa: Checkers.

Homer: Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one -- the
one that mauled Jimmy.

Dog of Death