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Submitted by Yes at 2016-09-12 00:23:11 EDT
Rating: 0.75 on 4 ratings (13 reviews) (Review this item) (V)

I told the doctors that I didn't need a bed, I'd just sleep against the wall. I was lying, but I've gone too far to ask for one now. That's not true though, I didn't say and they didn't ask. Oh well, at least this chair is super uncomfortable.

Am I a... No, I am a terrible father/person for feeling resentment towards my daughter for my wife's medical issues. It all might have happened anyway but I think the 6 months of hyperemesis (uncontrollable level 10 barfing) fucked up her guts. She's been to every doctor our shitty insurance works with in the past 7 years and they all start out all sure that they'll be able to help. They don't. They pass the ball. So it's just bimonthly ER visits where we rack up more medical bills we can't pay. They shoot her full of Compazine and Dilaudid and send us on our way.

I remember going out. Going camping. Having fun. Not being a miserable shit no matter what short lived happiness I managed to wrangle out of the world. We have a beautiful daughter that I do love... I also blame her for this black hole my life has become. I've had an intense self loathing since I caught myself being mad at her for this. I know it's not her fault she was created; we fucked, baby got made, wife's body got ruined, guess I should've pulled out that time. Wife says if she had the option she'd go thought it again to have our daughter. I don't feel the same. I never wanted a kid. I know I'm bad dad, no amout of praise I get can change the fact that deep down I blame her. Can't remember my own father (he died when I was 5) so I don't know what I'm supposed to do, usually it ends in tears. I try.

I can't tell anyone in the real world about this but I have to put it out there or I'm afraid I'll bitch out and drive off a mountain or something.

Eh fuck it, I can always delete this...


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Submitted by Sage at 2016-10-13 19:36:38 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

I sowee. Hope things get easier for you soon.

Submitted by SilvrWolf at 2016-09-20 16:34:56 EDT (#)

I'm on my way to the hospital because my stepdaughter has a tumor on which they are performing emergency surgery on. I feel you at this moment, if not abstractly.

And the shitheads on this site be damned, we do the things that lesser men cannot. We do this because there is no one else to do it. We are the last of the true knights. We do it because that is what we are supposed to do. We do it because it is right. We do it because when everyone else gives up, we are still standing there, ready to fight. Come for us, baby. We have beaten you before and we will beat you again.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-09-15 21:23:32 EDT (#)
Rating: -2

Oh yes, you're right. I totally forgot about all of those degrees hanging on the wall behind you in your viral videos.

Please, carry on, Dr. Venkman.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2016-09-15 16:41:58 EDT (#)

Yes, Shlongy, actually having a mental health problem DOES in fact make me more effective at helping others with their own struggles with depression, etc.

Sadly, that doesn't include you. Go fuck yourself.

Submitted by RoadSong at 2016-09-15 16:33:40 EDT (#)

Camping it is BuddyBoy. Get a sitter for the wife and go to the river.

Submitted by Bestmate2 at 2016-09-13 17:32:27 EDT (#)
Rating: 2

Hey man, for what it's worth, good luck to you from now on.

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-09-13 11:56:20 EDT (#)

Yes; Listen to the advice of Dr. Oathmeal, who has more mental problems than just about everyone.


Submitted by Dru M at 2016-09-13 11:13:32 EDT (#)

Submitted by Shlongy at 2016-09-13 07:39:11 PDT (#)

Yes; Listen to the advice of Dr. Oathmeal, who has more mental problems than just about everyone.


Submitted by Tormentos at 2016-09-13 09:52:27 EDT (#)

Guy I knew a few years ago was married and had two kids by his 19th birthday. He was 30 when I knew him. He told me that shit, and my first thought was "Wow you fucked your life up bad, dude. You're 30 and you have two screaming tweens to deal with". But now it's 10 years later. He's 40, and (I assume) his kids have moved out. Imagine that: done with raising kids while still able to go do most of the shit you think you're missing out on now, and you're not even at your maximum wage earning potential yet. Better get some shades, man, your future is bright.

Look into MJ for the nausea. Works on chemo patients to keep them from puking, so...

Submitted by Perk "Grownman Perkiness" man at 2016-09-13 00:15:31 EDT (#)
Rating: 1

At least your honest, I have a friend that had a kid at 17 years old, I was the only guy on the team he told. It's been 12 years since then, none of our friends even know.( I keep my word, stronger than the great wall of china), during our years as teammates hen played the "golden boy" good guy role, whilst he was a dead beat dad. Told me he tried to be "the dad" since pressure from family and society, after 3 years, he just got up, and left... Didn't tell her shit, went to a college, then moved to where we were at.

I asked him a couple years ago, " so how do you feel about the kid now? Are you in his life?"( the kids gotta be about 11-12 years old now), he replied," nope, I never wanted him, I still blame his birth for ruining mynlife, and his mother", to my shock and chagrin, but at least hes honest.

Our generation was raised by parents that didn't" want us"( baby boomers) and sadly it's been passed to us, most of my friends look at their kids as a burden, or are opting out of the entire situation. I want kids, by in not naive enough to have them, until I feel satisfied with my life and career.. Guess I'm smarter than most... Buck up, this will pass... But I do understand and feel your plight, bud.

Submitted by Fucking foul at 2016-09-12 17:06:02 EDT (#)

Parenting is hard, and sometimes it hurts a lot, and I think it's important to acknowledge that and to support each other when we are brave enough to be honest. It's natural and normal to feel resentment when a health crisis strikes your family. It doesn't make you a bad dad or a bad person, just a person. Talk to a professional. (Seriously - seeing a licensed family counselor for a few sessions is well worth the copay $. I know it has helped me tremendously.)

Being a caretaker is incredibly stressful, so be kind to yourself and never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This will pass, I promise. Hopefully soon.

Submitted by OathMeal at 2016-09-12 08:58:10 EDT (#)

There is shame and self-berating here where there should be none.

The only thing I'd be embarrassed about if I were you is having not 'gotten this out' before this post.

I don't know your wife, but I do know the allure of a lonely cliff.

Remember it's just money and your daughter loves you.

Submitted by blackbear at 2016-09-12 02:56:20 EDT (#)

thanks for posting man, i feel your pain. hope shit gets better for you.

The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Planet of the Apes
... Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty -- that was our planet! You
maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

-- Homer Simpson
Deep Space Homer