How are all my pretties? I don't actually give a fuck if it's not about me but I can't think of a better title.Submitted by Director at 2013-11-17 15:26:53 EST
Rating: 0.44 on 16 ratings (25 reviews) (Review this item) (V)
So what's happening eh? How's every little thing? I hope you're getting blowjobs and/or eaten out regularly, depending, of course, on your sex, sexuality, and whether or not your junk has been burned off in a horrific car crash.
Mine? Meh. I'm just jerkin' the gherkin. It's easier than dealing with a woman, and while I do enjoy force gagging the ho's on my Tremendo Cock O' Doom™, I can't stand their constant demands that I "clean the kitchen," or "walk the dog," or "untie those people and let them out of the basement." Annoying cunts.
Speaking of dogs, here's a bunch of them, assholes a-blazin' for your viewing pleasure. Mine is the best one, and if you have a dog, he's certainly better than yours. We're fortunate. We have an entire abandoned golf course to ourselves. Nobody goes there anymore. The city eventually has plans to destroy it by putting things like soccer fields, "kite meadows," skate park, swimming pool, etc., which means it will soon become a place for people to cruise looking for dicks to suck. People like you, I'm sure, and you'll fit right in, but in the meantimes it's just a massive 18 hole golf course with no golfers or other dipshits like Shlongy.
There's also a picture of me, because let's face it, chances are PRETTY DARN GOOD that if you're reading this, your life totally sucks asshole, and you need something beautiful (again, me) to help you through your miserable, sad, worthless and pointless little life. See that big ass stick? That's an actual life size replica of my penis.
And yes, golfers *are* fuck-knuckles. What a dumb game and anyone...ANYONE who plays it can literally shove a broken glass bottle up their ass and let a chorus girl lineup kick them there, and in the nuts, for 2 solid months, 17 days, 4 hours, 6 minutes and 23 seconds.